The Light Of Daye

... and messaged the new mod for harryhetbigbang saying that I was going to have to consider myself dropped out of the fest. The first deadline is two days from now. And given my return trip home this weekend. I'm not going to be able to write for it today. Not that i've ever really managed to get down to any writing.

So I have about the third of the length required for the first draft. And most of that was actually written before the fest even started.

Part of it is that i've flitted between two different story ideas: A Harry/Cho one and a harry/Susan one. But mostly it's that i've never managed to sit down and write.

It's not that I've been too busy. One of the good things about work is that, out-of-work i don't have to worry what I do. It's not like school where i should be working/revising and feeling guilty when i don't.

So yeah its just that i'm lazy or maybe writing just isn't the hobby for me.

I'm feeling bummed because, The Harry het thing is exactly what i said i wanted, and i feel like I've let it down and been a bit hypocritical in the process. And second because the fest fic is adding to a pile of things i've never finished properly.

Meh, consider this post the culmination of all those whiny why haven't i done shit this weekend posts.

Still smutty_claus is still too go. i might actually finish that one, partly because of the gift swap element and partly because if you drop out they kick you out permantly.

Maybe doing that fest wasn't such a good idea. Then again maybe I should have just got on with it. Looking through e-mails and posts here. It seems like every week or day without classes, I'd claim I was going to make a dent in it, get it done early. And then procrastinate or stare at a white screen all day. Ended up three days late and spending my time writing it instead of school work until just before deadlines.

And now there's a doozy coming up. An academic poster due on 1st Dec. I've got a few articles saved that may be not at all relevant and say a week to get it all done and find someone who prints of A1 (maybe A2 depends who much i have to say on the subject) 

And when I start to think about that fact that i've got about to week to pull it all together, I realise I should have started this yonks ago and I should panic right now because I don't have enough time. So I panic and the odd think about panicking? Not conducive to actually getting work done. So I end up working myself into a right state and digging myself deeper in the hole. 

Like, apparently I'm doing right now while writing this post. 

I can;t really blame the fest though. I've proven myself many times over to be able to procrastinate on these things until the last second during my undergrad course. I just deluded myself into thinking this would be different as I'm now older and wiser and have given them practically all my money just to be there.  

But no, I'm still not working ahead and not concentrating on the course and generally being just as terrible at this as i was the first time around and since i'm living at home and commuting on the train: still no social life or skill are to be had.

I don't even know why i'm doing this course anymore. Or rather I do, not because the subject's that wonderful but simply because I had to do something to improve my prospects of a job and not continue to sit at home sending out applications that never get responded to.

But I'm mucking that up to. Not managed to apply for any industrial placements because I've been so busy with all the immediate deadlines. But that's just an excuse because I've been avoiding those too.


Well that was a nice bit of emo rambling. Sorry to make you read all that. I think I've run out of things to say. So I'll have to sign off on that.