EEEEeeeee! This was so cute and perfect. I think this is one of my favorite pieces you've written recently. The atmosphere and the fun, teasing way you characterized Susan was great to read. I was really impressed with how you portrayed the body movements and physical details. It had a definite sense of realism.
The only criticism I had was that there were a few places where you needed commas, but other than that I felt like this piece was really strong. Well done!
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Date: 2013-02-04 01:53 am (UTC)The only criticism I had was that there were a few places where you needed commas, but other than that I felt like this piece was really strong. Well done!